Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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