i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
