woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
