woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
