Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
