i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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