fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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