So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
