I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
