The maid of honor just puked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize