That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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