I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
