If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
