I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
