you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
