My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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