She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
