my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
