oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
