u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
