Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
