"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
soo... how was my night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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