I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
