So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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