you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
