Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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