she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
