i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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