So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
