So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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