Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
