Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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