i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
