we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize