i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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