No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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