At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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