we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
