My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
