he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
