you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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