She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
