Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize