Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
