he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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