The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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