Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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