I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
