I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
People in love make me want to vomit
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
