the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
