i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
