I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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