Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need to stop coming to work sober
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
