I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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