lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
