I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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