1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
