i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
