Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
