shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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