if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
