so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
