Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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