Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
