So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
