I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
