how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
