I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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