Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
