I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
