she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
