Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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