I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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