i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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