i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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