the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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