I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
