you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
